You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
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Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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