I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
