You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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