i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
