I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
