i just wanna soil my oats bro
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
