sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
