If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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