How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
