Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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