you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't notice because vodka
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
