Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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