Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
