I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
