Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wow bdsm is so cute
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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