I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
