Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
