well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
