Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
