I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What a dumb baby whore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
