Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You can't special order awesome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
