hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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