no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
