Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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