My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
