i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
