First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
