I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
