my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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