that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
