Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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