and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
