laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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