I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
