Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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