My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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