It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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