the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
