No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
