i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
