How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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