So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
