I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
