check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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