and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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