I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
