please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
