Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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