i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
