you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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