dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
