I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
