Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
