I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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