Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
