considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
