Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
