Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize