It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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