The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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