and you said cock pushups were impossible
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
