She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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