What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
