The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
