in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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