Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
