Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
