I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize