The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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