she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
