I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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