bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
