Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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