i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
