I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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