this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
