And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
