pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Terrible idea I love it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
