there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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